You may still struggle at times when you think about how someone mistreated you. But what about when you were in the wrong?

It’s not unusual to revisit memories of when you bullied someone, wronged a person at work, or insensitively broke off a relationship with a friend or family member. Forgiving yourself for past actions is a powerful healing tool. It’s not a sign of weakness but it actually takes a lot of courage to forgive. Practising self forgiveness has shown lot of health benefits. Some tools:

Responsibility: Taking responsibility is the first step. Humans by nature try to dodge this to protect self esteem by dismissing what happened or find an excuse. A good tool could be to write a letter acknowledging your misgivings. You don’t necessarily have to send it to someone but acknowledging, writing it down, will help you process your behaviour.

Remorse: Once you take responsibility for your past, you may experience negative feelings, such as shame and guilt. This is normal, so don’t bottle them up. Talk it out. Sharing these feelings with some one you trust, can help you work through it and give you great insight. And remember that you are not alone. Most of us struggle with similar issues.

Re-orientation: One of the most crucial parts of self-forgiveness is to make amends (if that is possible) and to try your best not to transgress again in the same way. Apologise if it’s called for (or send that letter, if that’s easier). Use expressions of regret like “I wish I could take it back”, or “I wish I had been more thoughtful”. Another approach is to ask the person what you can do to make amends. If you can’t communicate with the person, have an imaginary conversation with him or her, or share your apology with someone you both know. 

Renewal: This is the self-healing stage where you let go of what you did wrong and move forward with the lessons you’ve learned. Reconnect with your spiritual self. Meditation helps us realise that everyone makes mistakes, and that they are not beyond repair.