Social approval or self approval

Sangeet is coming today for couple of days. Its our Rakhi tomorrow. Our community – Maheshwari- celebrates Rakhi on Purnima( Full moon) around 20 days after the others do. I don’t know why but I have seen this since my first Rakhi and as a school kid it always looked funny when I used to reach school with all the Rakhis tied to my wrist. A few years back I had a great Rakhi at Washington when Sangeet and Rachana both were there. We decided that we will do this every year celebrating together. But unfortunately it has not happened in all the years after that. Lucky for me this year Sangeet is coming. And I really appreciate her efforts to come to Faridabad. I am excited and happy. I am sure Sangeet will be more than that. I look forward to seeing her today evening.

Talking of Sangeet – Sumant & Sangeet as of now have delayed having kids. All my relatives like when we meet – enquire if Sangeet has any kids and when I reply in negative – they look disappointed. I also used to be disappointed with their decision. But when I look at it in a different prospective I some how feel why the hell am I or the people we know feel disappointed at their decision. Its their choice if they want to have kids or they don’t want. Why do we live thinking what others are going to feel. Specially on issues so personal. I now feel, there is nothing wrong in their opting to delay parenthood if they don’t feel ready for it yet.I see lot of disappointed parents in today’s world. May be because they don’t know how to be a good parent. There is always a chance of failure in any activity we do but this one is irreversible. You have no choice but to live with it even if it brings lot of stress. Parents sacrifice so much for there kids. Their habits, lifestyle, money, emotions, friends, hobbies , it can be a long list and in most cases they don’t accept anything in return. That’s what parents think but may be there are internal expectations. Specially in India. How many of them the children fulfil. I know I have not fulfilled much of what my parents expected or planned about me. I don’t even give 10 minutes of my time to read a book to my grand mom. I know my Dad feels hurt when I don’t do these small things. I make them more unhappy than happy. When I see Minoo devoting so much of her time to teach Divyansh I feel unhappy about it. I know 50% of the time she goes to walk with me is just to please me but her mind is on Divyansh’s studies. If I look at all the arguments we had in our family it has some where originated because of the kids. Then why do I have kids. Just because every married couple has one. Or its because my Grand parents or parents or the society expected me to have one. Or did I have kids because they will take care of me when I get old. Absolutely not at least this one. I neither expect nor look forward to them to take care of me when I grow old or sick. It feels so sickening when I see people around suffering because the children are fighting over family properties. They care a damn about parents – who gave there all – time, youth, hobbies, money and what not. Is it worth taking a risk. This is no business. You can recoup from losses. You can divorce if you are unhappy in a marriage. What can you do in situations like this? Just be unhappy.
I feel every couple should evaluate their capabilities to raise a child and the day they feel they are capable to upbring and grow with the child they should have one. This is not a popularity contest, at the end of the day what matters is are you happy and not creating undue pressure in you life?

September 3, 2009

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