In couple of weeks i will complete 42 years of my life. I have often heard the word Mid life Crisis. Its the most challenging time for men as at this time they are at the peak of there career and yet harbor a sharp awareness that the end is near. Its the time when you are in charge and also know that in some years you have to let go. I was very happy the year I became 40 as it was widely said that “40 is the new 30” or “Life begins at 40” etc.
But I am disappointed with my last two years after 40 is not the new 30 but faster way of going to 50. I have suddenly gained weight , got some flab around my waist , lot of grey hairs. I have suddenly started to look at life very safely, no risk. The agression is missing. I want to play safe. I know if I fail now I dont have enough time to see the next good cycle in my life time.
Looking back at my last 42 years – 1. I have more hairs than I thought I will have. 2. I feel older than I should 3. I am proud of my taste of things – I have never seen a single episode of Balaji Telefilms serials 4. When my father was 40 , I was 19. When I was 40 Sameep was 15 – makes me feel younger.5 I have far few friends then I had when I was 20 or 30. In fact I have now just three people who are my friends – only one from each decade of my life 10-20, 20-30 and 30-40. 6.I am far closer to my family then I thought I would be.7. Despite being told that taste bud changes over the years, I dont think I will ever like mushrooms, broccoli, or brinjal in my life.8.I will always regret for not continuing further in my studies.
When I talk to my friends or aquaintances of my age group I find there are so many wishes left unfilled despite there affordability. Some one is troubled that he will die a one women man, some ruin the fact that they didnt make the best of the education that was available to them or about missing the early years of there childs growing up.
I feel I still have enough time to make up what ever I missed out. I had a good one hour discussion with Minoo today to make a list of things we should do in the life ahead. We plan to make it in a spreadsheet , things we would like to do or see in the next 20 years. These are dreams that we have , not being worried how we are going to achieve them or even will we be able to achieve all of them. I dont care if what ever I write is achievable or not but I want to make a plan and then share with those who are interested so that makes me more accountable towards fulfilment of our dreams.